Grief/ In-House


“Grief only becomes a tolerable and creative experience when love enables it to be shared with someone who really understands.” Simon Stephens

DEFINING GRIEF

  • GRIEF IS A NORMAL AND NATURAL REACTION TO THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE.
     
  • ANTICIPATORY GRIEF TAKES PLACE WHEN FAMILY MEMBERS OR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS ARE GRIEVING DUE TO IMPENDING DEATH OF RELATIVE OR PERSON CLOSE TO THEM.
     
  • BEREAVEMENT IS THE OBJECTIVE SITUATION OF BEING DEPRIVED BY DEATH OF SOMEONE SIGNIFICANT.
     
  • MOURNING REFLECTS THE GRIEVING PRACTICES OF ONE’S CULTURE AND THE SPECIFIC ACTIONS AND MANNERS OF EXPRESSING GRIEF.
     
  • Woman at windowCOMMON EMOTIONS OR STAGES OF GRIEF.
    • SHOCK
    • DENIAL
    • CONFUSION
    • BARGAINING
    • BLAMING
    • SADNESS
    • ANGER
    • FEAR
    • DEPRESSION
    • RELIEF
    • ACCEPTANCE
    • HOPE

Normal Grief


People who suffer a loss experience one or more of the following symptoms of grief. They can occur one at a time, in combinations and in clusters, and over a period of time. Although they will not continue indefinitely, some reactions may last longer than others. Expect and be mindful of responses similar to those listed below:

PHYSICAL RESPONSES TO GRIEF

  • Sleep disturbances
  • Eating disturbances
  • Cigarette abuse
  • Substance abuse (drugs and alcohol)
  • Changes in appearance
    		•
  • Digestive problems and nausea
  • Restlessness & over activity
  • Exhaustion and fatigue
  • Tightness in throat and chest
  • Increased heart rate

    • EMOTIONAL RESPONSES TO GRIEF

  • Denial
  • Guilt
  • Bitterness
  • Sense of Failure
  • Self Pity
  • Anger
  • Remorse
  • Relief
  • Mood Swings
  • Overwhelmed
    		•
  • Abandoned
  • Intolerance
  • Hatred
  • Shock
  • Despair
  • Panic
  • Resentment
  • Glad
  • Sadness
  • Hostility

    • MENTAL COGNITIVE REACTIONS/SYMPTOMS

  • Difficulty making decisions
  • Denial
  • Fear of losing mind
  • Sense that nothing is real
  • Obsessive thought patterns
    		•
  • Shock
  • Insecurity
  • Confusion
  • Regrets
  • Sense of unreality

    •  BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS

  • Inactivity and lethargy
  • Loses interest in personal appearance
  • Restlessness
  • Impatience with self and others
  • Need to tell and retell story
    		•
  • Sighing, moaning and sobbing
  • Short tempered and irritable
  • Inability to organize activity
  • Forgets to finish things
  • Increased risk taking

    • SPIRITUAL REACTIONS/SYMPTOMS

  • Anguish
  • Angry with God
  • Spiritual emptiness
  • How could this happen?
  • Feelings of abandonment
  • Questioning of faith
    		•
  • Why him/her?
  • Despair
  • Why me?
  • Why did this happen?
  • Finding meaning
  • Finding comfort

    • Pathological Grief


    Sometimes family members or significant other exhibits more extensive debilitating grief reactions, often with full depressive syndrome. When these things occur pathological grief occurs:

    1. Absent, intense or chronic grief.
    2. Over-activity without a sense of loss.
    3. Hostility, especially towards a specific object or person.
    4. Extreme guilt.
    5. Wooden, formal behavior.
    6. Overwhelming inertia.
    7. Behavior detrimental to self such as reckless spending, drinking or driving.
    8. Severe disturbance in social network.
    9. Severe depression and severe suffering, sadness, poor appetite.
    10. Agitated depression, with self-accusations, insomnia and an increased sense of worthlessness.
    11. Suicidal intentions, expressed directly or indirectly.

    OTHER CONSIDERATIONS

    1. Most likely predictors for bereavement are:
      1. a. Intensity of the interaction with the deceased before the death.
      2. b. Significance of the deceased’s role within the family.
    2. Anniversary Reactions.
    3. Broken Heart Theory.
    4. Socio Economic Changes.

    If you notice these response or symptoms in yourself or others, it is advisable to seek professional help, or the assistance of the hospice social worker.

    Remember Hospice Offers

    1. Counseling services before the death of patient, and bereavement services provided for 13 months.
    2. Grief Support Groups offered to all bereaved family members.

    Coping With Grief


    Allowing Space for Grief

    In a normal grief process every individual jumps around from one stage to another. Consequently, it is not reasonable to expect that everyone in a family will experience the same emotion at the same time. In fact, it is seldom that everyone is on the same page when grieving the loss of a loved one. At any given moment one family member might be angry, another in bargaining, another in shock and still another in acceptance. Then, an hour later, they might all switch emotional places. It is good to recognize this and allow each other room for individual expression of grief.

    Children and Grief

    Children should also be included and encouraged to participate in expressions of grief and loss. They should not be forced to participate, but they should be allowed to participate if they so desire. Grieving is a part of everyday life and therefore, good grieving skills should be taught to children by the adults in their lives. For children to learn good grieving skills they must be able to see good grieving skills being practiced around them. Shielding children from loss and learning how to cope with it deprives them of the opportunity to learn how to deal with life.
    Children should not be banished from seeing death or dying people. Their imaginations can and will create far worse images than reality could ever produce. Reality may be tough to deal with at times, but the imagination can be a lot worse.

    How Long Does Grief Take?

    There is no time limit on grief. How long it takes to grieve a loss can vary greatly and depends on a wide variety of factors, not the least of which are: the severity of the loss, the support available to the individual experiencing the loss, and his/her skill at working through grief process. Strictly speaking, one never "gets over" a serious loss. One learns to cope, one learns to integrate that loss into a larger meaning, but one does not forget.

    Sharing Loss

    Human beings are innately social and need to share at least some of their feelings in order to process them effectively. Spending time alone is important after experiencing a loss, but it may be just as important to grieve with someone as well. The need to recall the stories of our losses is important. It is a normal and effective way of processing grief.
     
    Some people may find grief support groups to be helpful in accomplishing this task. Others may pick out a close friend with whom to share his/her feelings. Still others might utilize a professional counselor as a sounding board for ventilating their feelings. Clergy can be very useful for this purpose, as can prayer and meditation. Hospices provide grief counselors.

    Learning to Grieve

    It is important to remember that grieving is something we all do from time to time. Learning to grieve effectively is an important life-skill which we need to learn and pass on to our children. It enables both them and us to cope more effectively and to comprehend the meaning of our world more clearly. When grief is intense, we can quickly become overwhelmed by the magnitude of our emotions and begin to think that there is something wrong with us; that we are the first and only one to ever feel this way. We may lose sight of our profound connectedness to the human race and our commonality of emotion. As we move through feelings of isolation, we can expect to feel a need to reconnect with other humans. A time-honored way of accomplishing this is to share our story.

    There is a time to be alone and a time to reconnect, a time to experience solitude and a time to be nurtured.

    lnk